Day 10 Wisdom – Not walking away from a new friend

Published December 11, 2010 by rippnpebb

December 10 – Wisdom Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

The wisest decision I made this year was to not walk away from a guy I had been dating because I was afraid I was falling for him, and I wanted to prevent breaking of hearts – mine because falling for him wasn’t supposed to happen, and his because I know that’s not what he wanted to happen. It was just supposed to be fun, and I didn’t really expect to make it past a few dates, and the next thing I knew, I was really liking him, and talking to him every day, and having a great time on dates.

What’s interesting, too, is that I made a bigger decision this year that I thought would be at the top of the list – quitting my job, but as much as I loved it, and it was right in line with my career goals, personal ideals, politics, etc., I was realizing more and more that I work to live, not live to work. I was turning into the workaholic I didn’t want to be and making too many personal sacrifices for my job even though it was in my chosen career. Sure I want something steady and rewarding that gives back, but not at the expense of being able to support myself and my lifestyle and interests and my goals for supporting my family. So that decision led to me having more time to explore what I want, who I am, and what I want do with other people in my life whether it was dating or getting more time to spend with friends and family.

So here I was dating this guy and ready to give up on it because I was afraid of getting too involved and getting hurt too much and maybe hurting him in the process. Instead, I decided that I would lose a relationship I was really enjoying and to some extent, he would miss out on dating me. And I’m not going to be humble here, and what I want to reverberate into the next year is not always cutting myself down, not being too modest, and to change back to positive, accepting compliments graciously, realize that people enjoy being with me as a friend and as a lover, and that I have the power to realize when I am being insecure and turn that around. Also something that I read recently that was promptly affirmed by my friend – so what if I fall in love with this guy or if I just get to love him as a friend. That’s great! Especially if I keep myself sane by not expecting it in return and being open to loving other people and maybe falling in love with someone else. In the end, I will still have a good friend who may stop being my lover or that part of our relationship will become less important or even disappear, but I realized that I was getting much more out the relationship through our friendship than through anything that happened in the bedroom.

I knew what he wanted was to be friends first and lovers second, and I found out that through sticking with it, that that’s exactly what I wanted, too. Since making that decision, he’s helped me work out and lessen so many insecurities I have about myself. I’ve met new people and gone on fun dates, and I see this as the beginning of a long friendship, and I cannot imagine where I’d be now without those experiences and discoveries about myself. The wise choice here was to challenge my fear of getting hurt and not bail because of it. I want to follow this path to the end and see where it goes, even if I might trip and fall or there might be obstacles in my way. So far I’ve been rewarded for every time I’ve picked myself up and dusted myself off or climbed over a thorny stump. With this experience, I know have nothing to gain but wisdom. Well, and a lifelong friend.

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